Dangerous in Transit Read online

  “This is all my fault. Everyone is in danger because of me.”

  “Did you decide to start a civil war?”

  “No.”

  “Did you decide to send a group of guerrilla soldiers after us?”

  “No, but—”

  “No, listen to me.” He leaned back. “You did what you thought was right. Was it a risk? Yes, but I’m willing to bet it’s a risk you’ve taken before. Sometimes the risk doesn’t pay off, sometimes there are consequences, sometimes shit just goes sideways. You didn’t make any of this happen, you can’t decide you’re responsible for other people’s actions. All you can do it worry about what we can control. Right now, that’s showers, it’s food, it’s sleep. Okay?”

  Jackie nodded, but still didn’t seem convinced.

  “Shane’s girlfriend likes to say that if you don’t eat, you’re slow. If you don’t sleep, you’re slow. If you’re slow, you die. She’s some sort of reptile vet and travel blogger, traveled the world a lot, but the same applies to us. If we don’t take care of ourselves, then we are making the choice to be a risk. Got it?”

  “Okay. Yeah. Where’s the food?”

  “No idea. I’ll track it down, okay?”

  She nodded, all the fight gone out of her.

  “It’s going to be okay, Jackie. We’ve never lost an asset yet. We got this.”

  As soon as those words were out, he wanted to mute them. No one kept a perfect record, it was a fact they were all aware of. There would be a first time, and a second time, someday. He just hoped it wasn’t now.

  10.

  Saturday. Hôtel Tfeila Nouakchott, Mauritania.

  Jackie stared at the geometric patterned carpet, following the lines with her eyes as she paced from one side of the room to the next. Her body was exhausted, every step was agony, her head throbbed, and yet her mind couldn’t slow down. It didn’t matter that she’d thought through every scenario more than once to sort out the possibilities, what she could have done different, what she still might do.

  She glanced at the windows.

  The sun setting over the ocean to the west was a beautiful thing. It seemed so big and bright here, casting the most vivid colors across the clouds. She used to take joy watching that. She’d sit on a rooftop with some mint tea and just breathe in the evening air while her friends said their Maghrib prayers.

  When the last of the light died and night settled in, the war would continue. The PPM busses would roll out, people would do what they could to protect their homes, defend what they believed in and still others would fight back. This civil war wasn’t because of her, but she was a tool.

  “Hey.”

  She turned and her mouth dried up.

  Felix rubbed his eyes. His hair was mostly dry, and he’d changed since she’d last seen him. She recognized the basketball shorts and plain white t-shirt from last night.

  “Did you get some sleep? I didn’t see you at second dinner.”

  “Yeah.” He chuckled. “Do you have an appetite yet?”

  “Val made me eat—well, drink—some sort of broth soup earlier, then I ate later.” She hadn’t seen Felix at either meal.

  “Good. How’s your head?”

  “Val said it’s good. I didn’t risk washing my hair.” She smoothed her hand down the ornate braid.

  “Do you want to?”

  “Not really.” It seemed like one more chore, and there was already too much resting on her shoulders.

  “Okay, so—sleep?” He thumbed over his shoulder. “I saw Val’s passed out on the sofa.”

  “Yeah, she can sleep anywhere and through anything.”

  Felix pushed off the door and ambled across the room, peering out at the sunset.

  “It’s pretty,” he said.

  “It used to be. You said the busses roll out at sunset?”

  “That seems to be their routine, yeah.” Felix turned to face her, his eyes studying her face. “You need to get some rest. I can see what we have to help—”

  “No. I don’t want to be passed out so hard you can’t wake me up.”

  “But if you don’t sleep you’ll begin hallucinating, you can’t run, you’ll be even more disoriented.”

  “I know, I just... I can’t stop worrying about everything and everyone.”

  “That’s what makes you a good person, but when do you start worrying about yourself?” Felix reached out and cupped her shoulder. He slid his palm down her arm and captured her hand.

  She didn’t worry about herself. There was no point to it.

  Felix tugged on her hand and she went to him.

  “What’s going on? Why won’t you sleep?” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. If they ever got out of this nightmare, she was taking him up on that date, even if it was just to say thank you.

  “I’m tired, but every time I lay down I start to feel...frantic. Like I need to do something. I can’t just go to sleep. And I can’t tell Val everything. I need to hold it together for the others. If I could go back, I’d... I don’t know what I’d do differently. What could I have done differently?”

  “Protection detail?”

  “We had two local guys to help be our security and drive the vehicles for us. They jumped out the moment we were surrounded and left.”

  “Yeah, I’m going to need their names.”

  “They were practically kids.” She tipped her chin up. “Besides, two guys against a dozen? Not great odds.”

  “You’re a charitable soul. Now, for your own good, you need to sleep.”

  “Tell my head to stop thinking.” She rested her cheek against his shoulder while his hand rubbed up and down her back in long, soothing strokes.

  “I’ve got a pill for that. That’s about all I can think of to help you.”

  “Keep doing that.” She closed his eyes, parts of her relaxing that hadn’t since the moment he woke her up in the early morning hours.

  Felix’s fingers found the knots at the base of her neck, the tennis ball sized lumps in her shoulders, and diligently worked them out. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart, so much calmer than her own.

  She’d organized a lot of humanitarian efforts in her life and had many great people supporting her, but there was something special about Felix. Maybe it was the unexpected kindness, how a man used to violence could also be gentle, or perhaps it was that she knew, deep down, if she needed someone to tell her the truth—no matter how much it would hurt—he’d give it to her straight.

  “You know, this time last night I was really unfair to you. I said and thought a lot of things about you. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You gave me a second chance.”

  Jackie picked her head up off his shoulder. There was no denying much of the tightness that had her wound up was gone. Passing out even sounded appealing.

  “Think you can sleep?” He slid his hand around to cup her cheek.

  “Maybe?”

  “Give it a try, okay? For me?”

  “Okay.”

  Felix bent his head and kissed her, his lips yielding in a soft, sweet kiss. She sighed and pressed closer, the familiar surge of want in her blood. He shifted his head, and she followed, greedy for more. He slid his hand around to cup her head and suckled her lip between his. His tongue swiped across her skin and she shivered that touch stirring up more desires.

  She lifted up on her toes, eager to get closer, for more of this awareness that ate away at her stress and eased her mind.

  His fingers curled into her hair, tightening around the braid.

  Her skin prickled around the gash, the pain slicing through the unfurling warmth. She hissed and tilted her head, wincing.

  “Shit. I’m sorry.” Felix let go of her and smoothed his hand down the length of the braid muttering, “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She dropped to her heels, arms still looped around his waist.

  “Let me see.”

  “Felix.” He cupped her head and tilted it
toward the light. “I’m fine.”

  “I don’t see any blood.” His thumb swiped across her cheek. “I’m—”

  “Going to get on my nerves if you keep that up.” She did her best glare, but it wasn’t up to snuff. “You weren’t trying to rip a new hole in my head.”

  “No.”

  “Okay then. No more hair pulling. At least not until this heals.” She wiggled her fingers at her head.

  “Noted.” He smiled, those blue eyes of his sparkling with mischief. “Now you should really get to bed.”

  “Not yet.” She tightened her hold around his waist and kissed his jaw. Unless he helped her out, it was as close to his mouth as she could get. This was a ridiculous time to chase a guy, but the only time she stopped worrying herself to death was when he was around.

  “Jackie.” He groaned her name. “I’m trying to be the good guy here.”

  “You’re a great guy that likes kissing me.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “No, yeah buts, unless you don’t agree.”

  “You should be sleeping.” He grasped her hands clasped together.

  “You should be kissing me. It’s pre-date practice.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. She was beginning to enjoy the unguarded moments when Felix was just a guy and not some sort of better-than-Superman hero.

  “I should warn you I’m the type that jumps into the deep end.” She stared at his mouth, fascinated by the little quirk that curled one side up.

  “You?”

  “Yeah. Shocker. I know. Commitment-phobes need not apply.”

  “Never would have guessed it.” He squeezed her hands.

  She considered her options, hang on like a crazy lady while he pried her off him or let go and accept that maybe she’d read the signals wrong. Just because she had no reservations about where her interests laid when it came to Felix didn’t mean he was on the same page as her. It wouldn’t be the first time her all in attitude had chased a man away.

  Jackie opted to keep what little dignity she had and released her hold. He grasped her hands and laced their fingers together, still close enough their bodies brushed whenever she took a breath.

  “So, this is a no, then?” She wasn’t for everyone, and while she didn’t like getting turned down, she wouldn’t regret trying.

  “This is a, you need sleep and we both need to go to our separate rooms before something else happens, thing.” The way he stared at her, the warmth behind those eyes of his, it had her blood heating all over again.

  Jackie paused, savoring the sensation. He wanted her, despite the hot mess version he’d met. She smiled and leaned against him.

  “I could be down for the something else.” Hell, she could use some feel-good activity.

  “I’ve slept. You haven’t.” He tipped his chin down, his gaze boring into her skull.

  “My whole problem is that I can’t sleep. That stern face is kind of hot.” She leaned in and kissed him since he was so kind as to make it easier on her.

  His lips moved with hers, his hands tightening, pulling her closer. He walked her back until her calves bumped the mattress.

  She sat down, blinking up at Felix.

  “I don’t do this...”

  “Do what?” She needed more specifics.

  “I want to do this right.” He still had her hand in his, fingers twined tight together.

  Jackie swallowed. Okay. It wasn’t her or anything bad, per se. Felix was considerate, a bit gruff at first, but that was likely due to his job. Doing what he did, there were right and wrong ways to proceed. She could appreciate his sense of order and morality, but there were a few glaring problems from where she was sitting.

  “What if tomorrow never happens for us? What if they blow up this building and we die? What then? What’s the right way after that?”

  “That won’t happen.”

  “You don’t know that. I couldn’t predict I’d be here. Stuff happens, and sometimes there isn’t a right time or a right way. I’d still like to go out for fries when all this is over, but I also don’t think there’s any virtue in waiting for the perfect moment either.”

  “Are you about to say you have to grab life by the balls, too?”

  “I would have gone with the horns version, personally.” She glanced down at the noticeable bulge in his shorts and tried to twist her fingers out of his grasp. “But, if you’re giving me a hint...”

  “Are you related to a woman named Lacey Miles, by any chance?”

  “No. An ex of yours?”

  “God, no. She’s Shane’s fiancée. I fear you two would get along too well.”

  “I like her already.” Jackie shouldn’t get the warm fuzzies from the implied idea of meeting Felix’s friends, the kind of permanence that inspired, but there they were.

  “What am I going to do with you?” Felix shook his head and lifted their joined hand to his lips. He kissed her knuckles, then let go of her hand.

  “I could give you a few ideas if you’re running low.”

  “I bet you could.” He took a step back that foot of distance giving her a chill.

  She sighed and watched him back toward the door as though she would maul him or something. He was smart. But this time, she’d be patient.

  Too bad there was no way she was sleeping after this. Between the butterflies in her stomach and the hot sweaty ideas he inspired, her imagination alone would keep her awake.

  “Is this how you talk people into your mad schemes?” Felix swung the door shut and twisted the lock.

  For a few moments she stared at him on this side of the door, more than a little surprised he was still here. She’d expected it to be harder to convince him to change his mind, see things her way.

  “I can be awfully convincing.” She smiled, surrendering herself to the cocktail of endorphins and arousal coursing through her body.

  “I’m beginning to realize that.” His narrowed gaze didn’t intimidate her at all. Had she convinced him? She hoped so.

  Felix crossed the floor, and she stopped breathing. He’d made his choice about them, and it would change things from here on out.

  Jackie sat there, not daring to so much as move. What would he do? How far would he go? She wanted it all, right now.

  He stopped with his knees almost touching hers, his gaze roving down from her face to her body. There was something so completely thorough about the way he studied her as though he were seeing all of her. Her nipples and stomach tightened, all from a look.

  Jackie might be attracted to a guy for one reason or another, but nothing like this. She’d never felt the immediate need to orgasm from the way a man looked at her, but when Felix did? Like this? She was hard pressed not to lie back, spread-eagle and beg for it.

  He grasped her shirt with both hands and pulled it up. Goosebumps broke out along her arms and stomach, and she prayed he’d made the same decision as her. She lifted her hands, biting her lip, and let him strip her down to her bra.

  If she’d known this trip could include sex, she might have worn a newer bra.

  Felix lifted his hand, and she held her breath. Again. She couldn’t anticipate what he’d do, how far this would go.

  He ran his fingers along the edge of the cup, over the swell of her breast. She watched him draw an arc over one breast, down between them, and up over the other. Her goose bumps intensified at the feel of his rougher skin against hers and a breath shuddered out of her lungs. That seemed to be some sort of signal. He dipped his finger in one cup, curling his finger around the stiff nipple.

  “Oh—God.” She tipped her head back.

  Why did that feel so damn good? He swirled his finger around and around the areola.

  “You’re unusually silent,” he said.

  “I didn’t want to scare you off.” She arched her back and planted her hands on the mattress behind her.

  “I don’t scare easily.”

  “I hope not.”

  He unclasped her bra and knelt in fr
ont of her. Her breasts ached for attention. Usually she enjoyed a little caressing, some kissing, but nothing like this. It was like she’d finally met a master and never realized what she was missing. He didn’t go straight for her boobs though she wouldn’t have minded if he had. He kissed her mouth, his lips soft against hers. He cupped her, his warmth seeping into her skin, supporting her better than the bra. She groaned and thrust her chest forward more, eager for whatever he had in mind.

  While his lips made love to her mouth, his fingers began exploring her nipples, the underside of her breast. He stroked and touched her, in no hurry at all. Each touch heightened her awareness of him, the roughened quality of his skin, how different this was than any other man before him.

  Felix sat back on his heels, his gaze intent on her face. Even her most attentive partner had never looked at her like this, like she was his whole world in this moment.

  He grasped both nipples between his fingers, rubbing the stiff points. She gasped, sucking down air as those two electric points sent charges of awareness zipping through her.

  There was a very good chance she could orgasm from the simple caress of her nipples. Her whole body seemed to vibrate, all from his very expert touch.

  He released her nipples, and she sucked down her first, almost easy breath. Her hands shook and her arms felt like rubber.

  Felix just grinned at her and slid his hands down her sides, as though he was very aware of his ability, what he could do, and how to make her question her decision to pursue this man. Then again, if he did this just by touching her breasts, what else could he do? She was keen to find out.

  This time he didn’t toy with undressing her. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants and panties and pulled, not waiting for her assistance. She yelped and slid several inches before her legs cooperated enough for her to lift her hips off the bed. He whisked the rest of her clothes off, depositing them in the pile with the rest, and sat back on his heels. Content to look at her for the moment.

  She swallowed and stared right back at him. Nakedness didn’t bother her. Besides, there was something strangely erotic about being naked while he was completely dressed.

  He leaned forward and cupped her mound. He stroked his thumb against her, each press of his digit harder until he slid between her folds. She would have clenched her knees if it weren’t for his body wedging her legs apart.