Entrusted: A Drug of Desire Novel Read online

  “Might want to hold real still for this…” he said.

  Raven held her breath as he gently began to shave the wax off in a long, uninterrupted strip. She could feel the whisper of the blade as it coasted along her skin, never slicing her. He cut the end of it just below her breasts and held it up. She blew out her breath and stared.

  Matías tossed the wax aside and began another section, next to the one he’d just taken off. It was a curious sensation, having the wax literally shaved from her body. It tugged on the little hairs and pulled at her. It also left her skin much more sensitive. As she relaxed into the act, she found it was even kind of pleasurable. If she didn’t think too much about a knife in her lover’s hand.

  She closed her eyes as he began working on the area between her breasts. He blew the little bits away, causing her to shiver. Her breasts were heavy—there was no other word for it. She wanted him to touch them, toy with them as he had. She didn’t even mind the rough treatment anymore.

  Matías bit the underside of her left breast once it was free from wax. Her spine came up off the pallet and she squealed, digging her hands into his hair and twisting them around the strands. He straddled her waist and shook off her hold.

  He flicked the razor closed and dropped it. That feral glint was in his gaze once more. He set his nails against the wax-free area above her nipples and pushed his nails under the hard surface, scratching her skin and forcing the exoskeleton from her body. She gasped and her eyes rolled back into her head as he dragged his nails up and down, side to side over her chest, knocking the debris from her and scoring her sensitive flesh. He scooted down her body, and did the same on her ribs, stomach and lower abdomen. She could feel the individual nail tracks in her skin, as if he’d branded her.

  He was rough, digging his fingers into her and even physically moving her whole body on his mission to rid her of the wax. Lower and lower he went, until he was at her hips and thighs.

  Matías dug his fingers between her thighs and pried them open, planting one, then two knees between hers as he opened her to him.

  Her heart pounded as she realized just what he was doing, but by then, Matías was lowering himself between her legs, shifting them to lie over his shoulders. They’d talked sex, not—this.

  She grabbed a handful of the sheet and stared at the ceiling as panic froze her muscles. He palmed her mound and the next thing she felt was his breath against her core. She gasped as he rubbed the flat of his tongue against her clit. It was as if her whole world stopped, suspended in that one moment.

  “Oh.” She groaned and stared at the ceiling, all logical thought thrown out the window as she soared higher and higher. It was—amazing. Unlike anything she’d ever felt before.

  He kept up the steady rhythm, back and forth, a little circular motion and her lungs stopped working. She dug her fingers into the sheet and moaned. He increased the pressure and she panted, helpless sounds spilling from her lips. Níłch’i whined from the living room in reply, but she couldn’t even spare a thought for her dog, much less herself.

  In one blessed moment, she went soaring off the mountain Matías had pushed her to scale and bliss enveloped her body. Her orgasm flew through her body, making her light as a feather.

  She blinked up as her mind began to return to her, only to find Matías looming over her. He had a box in his hand and ripped it open. Familiar square packets that were the same in just about any country spilled out into his hand. He took one and let the rest fall to the ground. His gaze pinned her to the spot as he ripped the package open just a bit and tossed it onto the bed.

  He’d get no arguments from her. She still craved to feel him inside of her.

  Matías grabbed her around the waist and her arm, hauling her upright. Her head swam, still adrift on a sea of endorphins. He guided her to the platform bed. She didn’t need to be told this would be no easy lovemaking. There was a primal energy to the way Matías moved and touched her.

  She crawled onto the bed, but he stopped her when she was at the foot of the mattress on her hands and knees. She glanced over her shoulder as he pushed his shorts down, the thin cotton shirt still on. No underwear. Then again—he hadn’t told her to buy any. He grabbed the condom and stared at it for a second, as if he weren’t sure how it worked, but that was silly.

  “Put it on.” He tossed it at her.

  Raven scrambled to catch the packet and pulled the latex free. It had been a while since she’d done this for a lover.

  Matías stroked his cock, hips thrust forward. She bit her lower lip and reached for him, pushing his hand aside. His skin was smooth to the touch, and hot. She didn’t dare waste a moment appreciating his length or girth. Raven rolled the condom on, keeping the tip pinched between her fingers. No sooner had she rolled it to the base of his cock than he grabbed her shoulder and urged her back onto her knees. She braced herself, grabbing handfuls of the comforter as he grasped her hips.

  There was a mirror mounted above the bed. She couldn’t see much of herself, but that was okay. It was Matías she wanted to watch. He had his cock in one hand, while the other thrust deep into her pussy. She gasped and tightened her grip on the sheets as he pumped her. His fingers were replaced by the thick, blunt head of his cock as he passed it through her folds. She sucked in a deep breath and willed her gaze to remain on him. He was big, probably bigger than her last boyfriend. He pressed into her body, a little at a time, allowing her to adjust. Her orgasm-slick body stretched, accommodating his girth, but she felt every bit of the intrusion.

  His nails scraped over her skin as he dug his fingers in at her hips. He withdrew and thrust, sinking completely into her. She felt the press of his balls to her mound and the front of his thighs against hers. In the mirror, he bent slightly over her, frozen in this first moment of joined bodies and lust. The only thing wrong with the picture was the shirt he insisted on wearing.

  Matías pulled almost completely out of her before plunging back in. His deep thrust stroked the length of her channel. Her toes curled and she groaned as he did it again and again. He grunted as their bodies joined and flesh slapped against flesh. With each thrust, he scooted her further up the bed.

  She dropped to her forearms, changing the angle and getting a better grip on the sheets. He was no gentle lover.

  From this angle, all she could see of him in the mirror now was his shoulders and face.

  He glanced up and their gazes locked in the reflection. He grasped the clip holding her hair up and tossed it aside, spilling her wet locks on the bed. He grabbed a handful and hauled her upright, on her knees, his cock still lodged inside of her. He kept one hand at her hip, and the other in her hair, bending her backward.

  He increased his pace, fucking her from behind, yet with the added intimacy of staring into her eyes. She felt naughty, sexy, and desirable, just from the way he looked at her.

  The hand at her hip slid around to her mound, through her curls to press against her clit. She shuddered and reached around to hold onto him, needing to cling to something as he stroked her.

  Raven felt as if she were going to fracture into a thousand pieces. She dug her nails into him, clinging as tightly as she could, needing him to anchor her.

  He shoved deep, and she came, screaming her release, spurred on by Matías placing his teeth on her neck—but the expected bite never came. He thrust several times, rough, uneven and jerky before grunting his release. He wrapped his arms around her, his face buried against her neck as they panted for breath.

  Somehow, he’d become part of her. That was a frightening thing when Matías was a man who barely knew himself. Seemed it was a contagious situation. Two days with him and she no longer knew the woman in the mirror, but she liked her and hoped she planned to stay.

  chapter Nine

  Matías entered the condo, careful to close the door as quietly as he could before setting Níłch’i down. The little dog had character by the buckets, but his age was starting to show in the white on his muzzle an
d failing energy. They’d only gone on a short walk to take care of business and the doxie had sat down on the grass and refused to budge. Was this something he should tell Raven about? Did she know? How would she handle the news of her little friend not doing so well?

  It was strange to be so wrapped up in another person. Even those few people he considered friends didn’t touch him this deeply. For the first time in over a year, he’d slept without nightmares, only waking up a few times to listen for unfamiliar noises.

  “Oh my God, where have you been?” Raven emerged from the bedroom, arms wrapped around herself, wearing a fluffy white robe. Her hair was up in a ponytail and her eyes were wide with alarm.

  Níłch’i plopped his butt down on the rug and sat there, looking extra pitiful.

  She stopped at the edge of the rug, hands on her hips, and glared at the dog. “You lazy mutt. You made him carry you, didn’t you?”

  “Uh…” Matías glanced between her and Níłch’i.

  “You carried him!” She pointed at Matías.

  “I thought something was wrong.”

  “Nothing is wrong, he’s just lazy in the morning.” Raven knelt and scooped Níłch’i up in her arms, scratching the dog’s belly as he grunted and stared up at her with adoration.

  “Well, damn, he had me fooled.” He glared at Níłch’i, but couldn’t be too upset.

  “Why didn’t you leave me a note or something? I was worried.” She slung Níłch’i over her shoulder, directing her disapproval at Matías now.

  “I thought you would call me if you woke up.” Matías pulled out his burner phone.

  Raven slapped her hand to her face.

  “Oh my God, the cell phones. Shit. I totally forgot. I just woke up and you weren’t here and…” She sighed. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” He flipped the locks on the front door and hooked the leash over the knobs.

  “I think I’m going to crawl back in bed.” Raven leaned her head against Níłch’i’s back and smiled, her eyelids drooping a little. Between the stress this job was putting on her and two nights of play, it was a wonder she was even awake at all.

  “Hungry?” He shook the paper bag he’d procured at a bakery down the street at her.

  “Yes, please. Patio?”

  “Sure, let me just make some coffee.”

  He gave her the bag and passed through the kitchen, using the off-brand pod coffee machine to brew two cups. Raven was already curled up in a wicker armchair, staring out at the rising sun. The morning light streaked the sky in pinks, oranges and yellows over the ocean view.

  Matías served up the pan dulce, or sweet bread, on napkins. It felt so natural and easy, being with her like this.

  He’d been half afraid to wake up and find things had changed between them after having sex. For him, it had been—great. Wonderful. Amazing. For the first time in years, the woman he was with knew all the important things about him. The real him. What he did, why it was important, who he really was. He didn’t have to worry that she was seeing him as someone else, because Raven had only known the real him.

  They ate in silence for several minutes, the only sounds that of the seagulls and waves hitting the shore.

  “I haven’t heard from Victor yet, but I suppose we will soon. There was some talk about getting together tonight. If you wanted to go home I could arrange it. It’d probably be better for you. Safer.”

  “I’m not leaving you on your own.”

  He wasn’t sure if he should be this relieved about that answer. She was a distraction, something else for him to worry about, and yet…she eased his mind. Calmed him. He couldn’t imagine getting through this without her. Was it the sex? The play? Or was this real?

  “How do you feel? After last night, I mean?” he asked.

  Raven glanced at him, her brows raised.

  “You like to talk about stuff more than any girl I know.” She bit off a bite of the pastry.

  He snorted. “It’s part of being a good Dominant.”

  “Really? This is normal?”

  “Yeah, so suck it up, princess.”

  “Huh. I’m not used to guys wanting to talk about their—performance.” She nibbled on a bit of bread, staring off at the horizon. He let her gather her thoughts, not rushing her. “I’m okay. Thanks for putting that gel stuff on again last night. I think it took care of those burn marks.”

  “Good. It’s one of the dangers of wax play.” They’d been so tired that after he cleaned her up and tidied up the room he’d barely had energy to apply some of the arnica to her worst spots before passing out, holding her tight. “What are you thinking?”

  Raven’s lips were compressed and one side of her mouth hitched higher. It was a peculiar look, as if she wanted to say something but didn’t know how. She glanced at him as she sipped her coffee, stalling.

  Well, he could wait her out all day, if need be.

  “This is going to sound silly.”

  He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “Does it…bother you that I don’t, well, shave everything down there?”

  He blinked at her. “Does it bother you that I don’t, either?”

  “What? No.” Her face scrunched up as if he’d just asked her the silliest question ever.

  “Then why should I care? It’s your body. If you’re happy with it, that’s all that matters.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” What kind of assholes had she been with that cared about her pubic hairdo? Bare, landing strip or natural, it didn’t matter. Hell, he’d actually liked her neatly-trimmed mound. It went against the popular trend, but Raven wasn’t exactly one to follow the crowd.

  “Oh, well, okay.” She tilted her head to the side, her mouth soft once more, the corners slightly upturned. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “I don’t know. Can you?”

  She mock glared at him. “Fine. May I ask you a personal question?”

  “Sure.” He shifted in his seat.

  “Do you know you talk in your sleep?” She turned toward him, one nail between her teeth.

  Shit.

  He’d known that was coming. It was inevitable. His one other partner since his surgeries had mentioned it, which was why they’d stopped sleeping together. Raven…there was no getting around sleeping together, and she’d have questions.. Raven was different. She had a foot in both parts of his life; the real one, and the one he created for work.

  “We don’t have to talk about it,” she added in a quiet voice.

  “It’s okay, I just haven’t talked about it and I don’t know where to start.”

  Raven pushed to her feet and took the two steps to his chair. She didn’t ask, she just sat down in his lap, as if she’d known he needed an anchor. He pulled her against his chest, shifting in the wicker armchair until she was comfortably situated with her head under his chin and feet hanging over the armrest.

  Some of his worst nightmares included flashbacks of that night. He hadn’t admitted his PTSD to anyone, at least not willingly. But he could share this with her. Only the highlights. She didn’t need to know all of the details.

  “Does this have to do with the…attack?”

  “Yeah. Among other things.” He stroked her hair, grounding himself in the feel of her.

  Damien had told him there’d come a time when he’d need to talk to someone. Raven, for whatever reason, was here. And she… If he couldn’t tell her, who could he tell?

  “Last year, I was doing a deep cover operation. It was—bad. The people I had to live with, it’s not the stuff you easily forget. Between that and what that sadistic bastard did to me…it knocked some screws loose. The sick fuck had carved a message in my skin. You’re next. I spent a long time in recovery before they cleared me for field work again. I thought about getting a tattoo over it, but so far the lines have mostly faded.”

  “That-that’s awful.” She pressed her hand to his chest, just over his heart. “Thank you for telling me.” She reste
d her arm on the back of the chair and pushed her fingers through his hair.

  He tipped his head back and let himself enjoy her touch. Raven had a way of gently peeling back his layers, slipping deeper into his person than she realized.

  “Is there a plan for today?” she asked.

  “At some point I need to do a meet with the head of the Panama DEA office.” He grimaced.

  “Is that a good idea?”

  “No, but he’s going to insist on it. I think it’s a stupid idea to put me in the same room with an agent every drug dealer in the country knows on sight.”

  “I want to ask why, but I have a feeling it’s not going to make any sense.”

  “Save yourself the headache.”

  “Why do you do it then? This job? It seems like you’re jumping through a lot of hoops for not much progress.”

  “It feels like that sometimes, and I’ve struggled with it, but then I think about the people we saved, those we put in prison, and I know it makes a difference. Even if it’s hard to see it sometimes.” He patted her thigh. “Anyway, I’ll meet with him, and I think Victor has a thing for us tonight.”

  “A thing?”

  “Yeah, he wouldn’t say more than that. I don’t like it.” He paused, admiring the way the morning sun warmed her face. “I don’t like how they knew so much about me, and that I never found out they were poking around my old identities. It’s not good.”

  It was downright scary. Maybe it would be better to pull the plug now, go home, throw in the towel. But then he wouldn’t get Victor, or Oscar, and another factory would just keep churning out the drugs, namely heroin. No, he had to do it. “Will you please go home?” He had to ask again, because it was the right thing to do and a part of him would rest easier, in theory, knowing she was home.

  “No.”

  Matías sighed.

  “I guess I’ll get caught up on my TV then.” Raven stood, stretching.

  “Actually, I’ve got a project for you.” He tapped his chin and admired the way the light glinted off her hair.