Entrusted: A Drug of Desire Novel Read online

  “He might not.” Matías shoved his hand through his hair. “Look, I appreciate it, but you really don’t understand what you’re offering. And we don’t know if he’s going to go for the shock value of it again.”

  “So, tell me about it. The kink stuff. I want to understand what it’s like.”

  “I can’t tell you.” At least not now.

  “Then show me.”

  His hands curled around the imaginary handle of a paddle. That was a very dangerous offer.

  “This isn’t a good idea, Raven. I barely know myself anymore. I don’t want to scare you because I’m…different.”

  “It’s your only option. You want to catch this guy. You said so yourself. He’s your last job.”

  Why was he arguing with her over this? He wanted to spank her, to let her taste his desire, and yet, when she did it would be all over. She’d run away from him. But she had one thing right, his options were limited.

  Matías stood, hands on his hips, and stared her down.

  “Fine. Then I want you to strip down to your panties and tank top, no bra, and be by the bed in two minutes.” He pushed to his feet and stalked across the room to the door, ensuring it was still locked.

  What the hell was he doing? Where was his control? Who was he trying to be right now?

  She wouldn’t do it, even with the concession for modesty. There was no way she’d obey him.

  José wasn’t into kink. He wasn’t a Dominant. He was a user. He went through women easily and without discretion. Maybe that’s where he’d gone wrong. He’d staked a claim to Raven. But Victor’s plan had already been formed by then. This whole thing was going to hell in a handbasket and he was strapped in for the ride.

  It would be okay. There was no way Raven would obey. She was too stubborn and proud to be a submissive. She might talk the talk of wanting to try, for the sake of their cover, but she couldn’t pull it off. Hell, he’d bet she’d be more likely to deck him than submit to him.

  “So, how are we going to do this?”

  He whirled around and froze.

  No fucking way.

  Raven stood on the other side of the bed, wearing her black tank top and yellow panties. The bra was gone and he could see the gentle slope of her breasts under the fabric. Her legs were long and lean, just like the rest of her. He could all too easily imagine what he’d like to do with those legs.

  He blinked again and the vision never wavered. She’d really come to him, just as he’d bade her to.

  Good girl.

  Raven held her chin up. There wasn’t anything sane about this day, so why change?

  Matías had opened the door to a world that made her curious. She could tell herself it was because she owed him, or that he needed her to play a part, but it would be a lie. The uncomfortable truth was that though her brain had tried to tell her what she’d seen was wrong, her body hadn’t listened. As she watched the man and woman at the dungeon, she’d become aroused. It was unexpected and different. Which was exactly why she wanted to try it. And who better than a man already forged of her most wicked dreams?

  If she couldn’t trust Matías, who could she trust?

  Besides, when this was over, he’d go on to his new life and she’d never see him again. There wouldn’t be another opportunity to be with him, see this world. She’d be starting a new chapter herself, and maybe…maybe what she needed was something different. There was nothing to lose except fear of the unknown.

  Matías cleared his throat. “This isn’t a game.”

  “Then why did you call it playing?”

  “Because it’s fun. But it’s also not a game. BDSM can be dangerous. It’s not something you should decide to do for the hell of it.”

  “Why do you do it?”

  “Because…” He pulled the gun she’d already forgotten about from his waistband and set it on the bedside table. He paced to the opposite wall before turning to face her. “Because I need the control, and…this job, this life, it’s changed me. I’m—physical.”

  “You mean you’re rough during sex?” The word sex sent a shiver down her spine and her channel clenched. She’d thought about what it might be like to have a man like him in her bed more than a few times. Those fantasies always wound up with Matías’ face.

  “Yes, and more.”

  “Do you have those things the man had tonight? A cane?”

  Matías stalked toward her. “I have a cane, several of them. And paddles. And floggers.” He stopped with scant inches between them. “I have toys that would make you cry and scream.”

  He was trying to scare her. Well, it wouldn’t work. She tipped her chin up and stared him in the eye. “That sounds like a tall order.”

  “You don’t understand what you’re dealing with.” His voice dropped an octave and his gaze narrowed.

  “Then why don’t you explain it.”

  “Playing, like what we watched tonight, it leaves marks on the body. Bruises, welts, scratches, and sometimes accidents happen. It’s called risk-aware, consensual kink, because there’s nothing sane about what gets me off. At times, it can be downright dangerous. You barely know me, for all the time we’ve spent together, and you’d let a complete stranger do that to you?”

  “I know you. I’d know you anywhere, no matter what you call yourself. I’d know you.” She searched the depths of his troubled eyes. “You wouldn’t hurt me. Not really. Besides, you said that sometimes this is all you know of yourself. If that’s the case, then I might already know you better than you know yourself.” He continued to stare at her, revealing nothing of his inner thoughts. She gathered her courage and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Life’s not fun without a few bumps and bruises.”

  There was no change in Matías’ body language, and yet, he seemed to grow bigger, towering over her in a way that was both intimidating and breathtaking. It was a rare man who could entice softer, more delicate feminine emotions from her, but damn him if he didn’t make her want to sigh and collapse at his feet.

  He grasped her chin, holding it tightly between his thumb and forefinger.

  The gesture shocked her and she waited for the sense of indignation to rise up within her breast. And yet, the contact stilled her mind, bringing to her a peace so still, so calm she found herself relaxing.

  “The first thing you should know is that all play begins with negotiations. You tell me your limits, I tell you mine, and we figure out what it is we want during our session.”

  “I don’t have any limits yet. You’ll have to set them for me.”

  He stared at her for a moment. Was that a stupid thing to say? Or should she not be so honest?

  Matías licked his lips. Was it her imagination, or was there electricity in the air? Almost an audible hum. The hair on her arms rose. She wanted to shiver from it.

  “You should be careful who you give that kind of permission to,” he said.

  “Are you not trustworthy?”

  “I am, but not everyone is.”

  “Well I’m only concerned with you.”

  “This isn’t how it’s done.” He sounded more like he was talking to himself, rather than her.

  She didn’t know the rules like he did, but the one thing she was certain about was that she trusted Matías.

  One side of his mouth curled upward and he bent his head, briefly touching their foreheads together. He slid his hand from her chin to rest at the nape of her neck and straightened.

  “Limits. I will not intentionally make you bleed, and I expect the same in return. No marks below the elbows, above the collar bone. That includes the face. I won’t mark your chest, either.” He cleared his throat once more. Did the man need a drink of water? Because she might. “I also will not engage sexually.”

  “Wait—you mean you don’t do sex?” Her lady parts tingled in protest. She’d just assumed…

  “Tonight? No.” He flexed his hand on the back of her neck. “Kink brings out many emotions, and sometimes people are not prepared t
o deal with them, either during or after. If you wake up tomorrow morning and hate me for what I did, I’d rather have not crossed the sexual boundary.”

  “But what if I wake up tomorrow and I don’t hate you?”

  “Then we renegotiate. But there’s also the matter of STDs and STIs. When was the last time you were tested?”

  She had to stop and think about that one.

  “My last physical was four weeks ago, and I had a test run. Everything was negative, but I can’t exactly prove it,” Matías said.

  “I can’t tell you the date, but I had one done after my last boyfriend. No unwanted party favors here.” Her cheeks warmed. She could only brazen her way through so much of this conversation. Talking about intimacy and sex like this wasn’t something she’d even considered until her last boyfriend brought it up. He’d been a sweet, intelligent guy, but they never truly clicked.

  Matías, on the other hand, she could feel the click in her bones, the moment when he’d grabbed her chin and it just felt—right.

  “How long ago?”

  “Uh…six, eight months?”

  “That’s good to know.” He massaged her neck, pressing his thumb and forefinger into the muscle. His gaze slid from her face to a spot on the carpet. “Any questions?”

  The lapse in concentration passed and his gaze was back on her, razor sharp as ever.

  “The women at the club were,” she took a deep breath, “naked. Why did you want me to wear clothes?”

  “Because you aren’t completely comfortable.”

  “Oh. Thank you. I think.” She was relieved to not be nude. Not that she had much to be self-conscious about. Her breasts were small and her hips wide. More often than not, she had to buy her jeans to fit her thighs instead of her waist, courtesy of a youth spent laboring either in fields for spare cash or at the airstrip. She didn’t have the slender, rounded curves of other women. She was mostly angles and muscle.

  Matías took a step back, his hands at his side. “You still think you want to do this?”

  He might as well have said, I dare you.

  “I do.”

  “Sir. You will call me, Sir.” He lifted his hands to his belt buckle and slid the leather tail out of the catch. She watched, fascinated, as he drew it through the loops and pulled it off.

  “Sir. Right.”

  “If you forget, I’m going to use the belt on your ass.” He doubled the leather over and gave it a hard snap.

  Her heart leapt into her throat and her pulse beat in double time. Instinctively, she took a step back. She didn’t know if she should be afraid or excited. The mixture was a heady cocktail, sending her imagination into overdrive.

  “Do you want to stop?”

  “No. Sir. No, Sir.”

  “If you want me to stop at any time, say the word ‘red.’ That will be our safe word for now.”

  “Red?”

  “There are people who want to say stop and not have play cease.”

  “I’m not that person. If I say stop, I want it to stop.”

  “Then say red.” He took a step toward her.

  “What if I forget?” Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

  “Don’t forget.” One more step and he closed the distance between them.

  He lifted his arms and brought the belt down behind her, creating a cage of his arms and leather. She held still until the cool, smooth strap came to rest against the lower curve of her bottom. He pulled and she stepped forward, pressing her chest to his.

  “Are you going to forget?” he whispered.

  This close she could feel the rise and fall of his ribs, smell the after-dinner mints on his breath and see that little scar on his chin. Her gaze zeroed in on his lips. He seemed so serious all the time. Would he smile for her?

  “Raven.” His voice was a verbal slap.

  She jerked her head up, finding his gaze narrowed and directed at her.

  “What?” He’d asked a question…

  “Are you going to forget?” He tugged on the belt, forcing her up on her tip toes.

  “The safe word? No. It’s red.”

  “Good. If you say it again I will stop.” He bent his head as if to kiss her, and she held her breath. “Now, go to the desk and put your hands on the edge and keep your feet shoulder-width apart.”

  He was so close. She could kiss him herself if she just leaned a little bit—

  Matías straightened and released one side of the belt, freeing her to obey his command.

  She swayed on her feet, her head spinning. And he hadn’t really touched her.

  That was skill.

  Raven pivoted and took the four steps to the desk. It leaned precariously to one side, and at some point, one of the legs had been replaced with a white one instead of brown. She placed her hands on the well-worn surface and widened her stance. It was surreal to think she was in the moment, here and now, about to allow a man to do—whatever it was he wanted—to her. But she’d always liked a good thrill, the surge of adrenaline and the challenge of something new.

  “You forgot to call me sir,” Matías said.

  Chapter Five

  Shit.

  Raven stared at the cinderblock wall with its chipped paint. She locked her knees against the tremors that threatened to shake her like a leaf.

  “Five times you forgot, and one time you didn’t respond at all. That’s six swats.” Matías spoke calmly, as if they were discussing flight plans or how much fuel she’d need for the next leg of the trip.

  Holy cow.

  This wasn’t a joke.

  He was serious.

  A crack sounded just behind her head. She yelped and jumped, surprised by the sudden noise. Was that going to be her ass next time? She dug her nails into the wood and gulped. Maybe this was a mistake.

  “Before you take your swats, you need a warm up.”

  Somehow, the prospect didn’t sound any less ominous. She held her breath and braced herself, tensing for the blow.

  She waited.

  And waited another moment.

  But nothing happened.

  Did she dare look behind her to see what he was doing? Would that incur another swat for disobedience? She blew out a breath and in that moment a hand popped her across the middle of her bottom. She gasped and rose up on the balls of her feet. Holy hell, he’d just spanked her. What was wrong with her? Why was she letting a man do this to her?

  She blew out a breath and dropped back to her feet. Her shoulders ached from the tension already riding her muscles. Mentally, she shoved the initial confusion aside and took stock of her body. Her bottom stung, it was a bit warm, but mostly it had been the loud noise that surprised her. Having her nerves wound tight didn’t help her knee-jerk reaction, but now, it wasn’t so bad. She had always wanted someone who didn’t treat her like she needed to be handled with kid gloves.

  Matías ran his fingers over the place he’d struck. She could feel him through the cotton panties, but she wished the barrier wasn’t there. Her head was almost too heavy to hold up, so she let it sag forward. He brushed her hair aside and his breath skated over her skin. A single finger traced her shoulder blade where she’d had a raven tattooed a couple years ago. Her lungs locked up and she froze as he placed a kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

  “Remember, this is the warm up.” He didn’t move, didn’t strike her again or so much as breathe on her skin.

  Was she supposed to do something?

  Raven licked her lips. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl.” Matías patted her bottom.

  A warmth uncurled in her breast. Something about the way he said those two words made her feel—pride. Another time, she might have gritted her teeth and decked someone for being so condescending, but it was the way he said it. As if she’d done something special, and he approved. Maybe he was even proud of her? Whatever the reason, she wanted to hear him say it again. She wanted to be his good girl.

  Matías pivoted to stand at her side and wrapped his
left arm around her back. His fingers dug into her hip as he pulled her tightly to his side and bent slightly.

  Oh shit, this was about to get real.

  He slapped the backs of her thighs in quick succession. Hard blows that had her tossing her head back and crying out at the sudden, bright-hot sting. She leaned away from Matías, but his grip was too tight. He squeezed her tighter to his side and changed his aim. The blows varied from hard to soft, some little more than pats to her skin, but she jerked and yelped despite the reality of pain.

  Her skin heated, warmed by the ministrations of the man with the rock-hard body and will of iron. She twisted, but his hold on her was too tight, she couldn’t go anywhere. He had her pinned between his body and the desk. But she didn’t actually want to get away. Her body was reacting in a way totally foreign to her. As her skin heated, so did her core. Arousal flooded her veins and the world narrowed to the man at her side—and how he made her feel.

  If this was wrong, she didn’t want to know.

  Raven surrendered herself to the sinfully seductive spell he wove. She might question it later, but right now, it felt—good.

  Matías stopped suddenly. He pivoted again, pressing his front to her back, and pulled her upright until their bodies aligned. One arm wrapped just below her breasts while he stroked her hair away from her face. She sucked in deep breaths and leaned into him, grateful for the respite.

  “Are you still with me?” he asked.

  “Yes, Sir.” This time she didn’t have to think, the words were there and ready.

  He stroked his fingers through the strands clinging to her face, drawing them back over her shoulder. How could he be so rough one moment, then as gentle as a butterfly the next? The difference left her not knowing which to expect, heightening her sensitization.

  He pressed his lips to her cheek, then her jaw. She squeezed her thighs together, panting for breath. He bent his neck, kissing down the side of her throat. His hand followed, coasting over her chest, rolling his palm over her breast. She gasped as he slowly rubbed the heel of his hand up and down. Even through the ribbed fabric of her tank, it sent sensation shooting down to the apex of her thighs.

  Why had he said no sex? She’d jump his bones now, given the opportunity, and to hell with his chivalrous thoughts about tomorrow. Her knees grew weak and she sagged against him.